


Smile for Me, Once More

by orphan_account



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Episode: s05e08 The Hollow Queen, F/M, Moving On, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-16
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:35:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 572
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23675458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Arthur confronts Merlin about the girl Gwen lied about him seeing, he takes the opportunity to talk about Freya.
Relationships: Freya/Merlin (Merlin)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 116





	Smile for Me, Once More

“Oh, so you can go and visit that girl again?” Arthur says, the accusing tone in his voice only dampened slightly by his obvious curiosity.

“What?” Merlin frowns, confused. Then, he makes brief eye contact with Gwen and the situation is clear. She had lied to Arthur, intending to keep him from worrying about Merlin’s disappearance. His mind races for an excuse.“You want to know about the girl I like?”

“We’re all ears,” Arthur smirks, an infuriatingly patronizing expression stuck on his face. Underneath it all, however, he seems genuinely interested.

“Fine,” Merlin relents, fully intending to give them a fake answer. But there has only ever been one girl for Merlin, and deep down maybe he’s been wanting to share her with someone for a long time.

“Her name is Freya, and she’s the most wonderful person I’ve ever met,” He starts, turning away from the royal couple to fiddle with a pitcher on the dinner tray. The minute her name leaves his tongue, Merlin’s heart begins to burn in time with his memories of her; memories that he never quite finished grieving over. He can’t see Arthur or Gwen’s expressions, but he can practically feel Arthur’s surprise. Lowering his eyes, Merlin practically whispers his next words. “I would do anything to see her safe and happy.”

"You— what? There’s actually a girl?” Arthur chokes on his drink, and when Merlin glances back he can’t help but let out a laugh at the king’s open-mouthed disbelief.

“Don’t look so surprised,” he huffs, raising an eyebrow at his friend. Suddenly, Merlin remembers Gwen’s current loyalties and his heart races. What will happen when Gwen reports back to Morgana? He hangs onto that panic for a brief moment, before he remembers that Freya is no longer in the position to be in any sort of danger from anyone. The thought hits him like a sword to the stomach.

“I can’t believe it!” Arthur laughs, “Merlin’s found himself a girlfriend? Are you hearing this, Guinevere? I never thought I'd see the day. This is cause for a celebration, honestly!”

Merlin ignores Guinevere’s reply, not wanting to hear her kind words. He knows they aren’t really her own.

When he looks over at Arthur, however, a spark of happiness makes its way back to him. The grin on the king’s face is bright and full of care, even if his words are teasing. Looking at Arthur’s smile, seeing him so overjoyed that his servant and friend has found someone to love... it takes Merlin’s breath away. For a moment, he feels guilty, knowing that if Arthur knew the truth he would not be so overjoyed.

At the same time, there is a part of him that feels infinitely lighter having told Arthur about Freya.

Perhaps now is the time to move on, to let go of the one woman who ever made him feel like he could be himself.

He looks at Arthur’s smile and he thinks that perhaps one day he could love again. When they are all free, maybe Merlin will find someone after all. Maybe he will break the news to his friends and they will smile for him once more. He’ll be able to answer all their prying questions, eager to share all the details about his love.

Before any of that, however— he looks over to Gwen— he has to figure out how to keep Arthur’s love safe, too.


End file.
